THE ME I NEVER KNEW

THE ME I NEVER KNEW

 

  

 

I am a 26 year old lady and my name is *Abiodun. Right from my tender age I had made up my mind to say NO to pre-marital sex. I had some lust while in secondary school as a teenager and while on campus as a youth, but I was able to still hold on to my words despite peer pressure. Since when I was young, I have made some rigid decisions- I consciously make them and so I rarely change them.

At age 25, I was still a virgin. I just passed the aptitude test for a job and my prospective boss, *Mr Abraham called me to come to a neighboring state (though very far distance) where he stays to have my interview (He was in charge of a region so doesn’t always come to the state I was staying). I was so reluctant to go; after all, I had my test in their branch in the town where I stayed, I felt I should be interviewed there but his decision is the final. I was told that the email he received from the headquarters of the organization stated that documentation should be done before a given time. “I can’t come down because of you” he told me. The whole arrangement wasn't making sense to me but my friends who worked in the organization already congratulated me and asked if I have been called upon. I asked about my accommodation because the journey wasn't what I could make to and fro in a day, with the insurgency in the northeastern part of the country, Nigeria, I was worried about my security. He told me not to bother about my accommodation “if you are not comfortable staying in my house, I will arrange where you can stay for you. You should know I can’t rape you”. I told my friend I didn’t feel like going, but she didn’t see any reason why I should not go. I went against my wish with the foolish thought that nothing would happen. I should have made arrangement of where to stay myself but at that time, I was so buoyant that I even borrowed transport fare.

I was expecting to meet the interviewers the next day because I got there late due to some works I needed to do earlier and a very long delay at the motor park. That night he was about performing some drama, but I gave an excuse and locked myself in the room he gave me. So I said to myself I was going to go back immediately I see the interviewers the next day. The next day *Mr. Abraham did not mention anything of such, Rather he showed me the email he received from the headquarters and asked me some questions as he was doing some official works on his laptop. He said that was part of my interview. “You are intelligent” he said to me. After a while when he was done with the work, he categorically mentioned to me that “I have sworn to have sex with you the first day I saw you and I will do that before you leave here without having to struggle with you”.  At that time, I realized the level of my foolishness. I immediately called some friends to ask if they know anybody staying in that state and where I can pass the night because it was dangerous to be on my way back that afternoon. After several calls, I got a direction to a house and I was about leaving “Do you think I will allow you go anywhere in a town where you know no one? How do you even want to find your way?” “I will ask people”, I replied. He ultimately stopped me from leaving and there was no other person in his house I could call to help me with the door. In his attempt to rape me  after I got tired of struggling with him, I opened up to him that I was a virgin. “I will need to confirm”, he said. At this point, I knew I had brought myself into a deep mess and I began to cry uncontrollably like a small baby whose candy was seized. I was really in a lion’s den- he wouldn’t let me go, and yet he has sworn to have sex with me”. “Could you please call one of your girlfriends, I won’t disturb you in your room.” I said in naivety “No, if I wanted them, I would have called them”. I really understood that about men, but how do I get myself out? If I should do what I had in mind, it could make him more aggressive so I had to calm down and kept pleading with tears. I am not a desperado for the job. So I told him “I’m no more interested in the Job, please keep your job but leave me”. “You already have the job; sex is not connected to your job”.

Even though he chose not to force penetration, I felt sexually abused and I blamed myself for my stupidity. I rejected the job offer which I was truly given and I was the one who seems to have lost everything at the end. He apologized and told me to take the job, a huge opportunity for a young lady like me. “I did not know you meant it when you said you are no more interested in the job” he said. “I meant it and I mean it” I replied. How can I be sure such abuse won’t repeat itself? I totally lost confidence in myself. I thought I was smart, I never knew I could be that daft!

It is good to have self-confidence as a woman but when you are overconfident, it becomes a weakness and you would be surprised at how easily it could be used to bring you down. To everyone who has been abused one way or the other, the best way is to get over it and get back your lost self-confidence. The experience has not made you less of yourself, you are still valuable. Embrace yourself and move on.

Mistakes are part of life but shouldn’t be empowered to become the reason for our failure.

*not their real names