MY 360 JOURNEY

     My name is Fehintola*, a  fifty two year old woman born into a polygamous home, my mother was the second/last wife. I was a very brilliant girl in school from primary to secondary. I lost my father at a very tender age and things became so tough for my mother and her children. 

She (my mother) was a very hardworking woman, she worked for many people as a manual worker just to pay my school fees and take care of her children. My other siblings dropped out of school because of lack. After she had worked shamelessly for many people, I finished with secondary school and sat for the West African Examinations Council (WAEC) exam. After my exam, I met a young man who asked of my hand in marriage. He was an engineer and I agreed to marry him thinking that I will be able to further my education with his money and help my mother. He met with my family and I got pregnant for him. Really, at this time, things were slightly improving but all of a sudden, my husband disappeared into the thin air and I realized he already has a wife. The struggle then became worse with another responsibility of a child on my mother. We were like the most miserable family. At some points, he comes to check on her daughter in school and give her things before he finally stopped showing up.

     My mother was busy taking care of this child because she falls sick almost every time and as a result of her full attention on my daughter so that she doesn’t die, my mother lost her last son (my brother) who was always working here and there to keep himself and support the family. Olanrewaju* was an extremely caring son/brother. My daughter was just two years when another man showed up, I totally refused but my mother insisted I marry him. I understood her perfectly well yet I find it difficult to oblige. After a very long time, I agreed to marry this man because of my mother, we saw him as our only hope to get out of penury. He did all the necessary things he needed to do and we were happy after. I mentioned to him I would like to further my education and become a teacher but he asked "what for?" He married me as a full house wife and he did his best that even some of my working friends could not afford what I had. My mother became a big farmer who employs manual workers to join her on the farm.  She began to have something to show for her hard work. She was a never a lazy woman!

    After seventeen years, I became a widow with three children. I lost my husband and my mother became my all, before I lost her. She and my siblings only knew what we had gone through. My children were young, attending expensive schools but after some months, I needed to change their schools. The death of my mother was a very shocking one to me,  I became very sick having several ailments due to my inability to cope with the ordeals. From what my husband left behind, I began a trade but when the sickness started, both capital and profit were all gone on health care. Now, I no longer enjoy what I used to enjoy when I got married. The only source of joy I have now is God and my adorable children. “I am back to what I was running away from”

   I thought marriage is an antidote to poverty but my experience has proven me wrong. simply put, “Do not get married because you are tired of your financial status”. The great things great women achieve in life are planned before marriage; even if it was accomplished in marriage. Many grown up women are facing greater forms of the challenges they ran away from when they were young.  Irrespective of your family background, when challenges come, face it and conquer it once and for all before it comes back to you with more heavy weight.  Your dreams and goals will not come true without test and trials; not only in the area of finance- that was just mine!

**not real names