The Search

At the early stage of life, our existence and decisions were solely based on what was believed to be good for us by parent(s)/guardian and couple of times we adhere; either at will or by obligation. The involvement of our interest and reactions to these orders could be neglected and we often feel like our wills and emotions are being trampled on so we yearned to be married and leave our parents' house so we could have my own home and be free

...because we were just Kids

The difference in the stages of life can not be ruled out when decisions are to be made. At teenage, we had the freedom to choose, yet governed by authorities (our elderly ones), environment and power, hence, TOTAL FREEDOM was not gained. We had complaint and fright, we frowned and fought, all in the quest of absolute freedom. Sometimes in what to wear, where to go, whose company to keep and at times, what career to even choose. It could be sad and disheartening but those in control of our lives believed that their reasons for stopping us from what we wanted were all expedient for our good

...because we were yet teenagers

Enough of the physical and emotional caging where we can not express ourselves and so we desire it quelled. For me, now that I am an adult, I wonder why I still get scolded for some actions, reactions and responses of mine. As I grow older, I keep seeking for this "freedom" but I don't seem to have enough of it. At the point of making decisions, I still have the opinions of others influencing mine and sometimes a voice within me holding me back from doing what I had wanted. I wasn't free enough to be all alone and wonder why the search for freedom is like finding a cat in rat hole. 

...because I am human

I think maybe getting married to a loving, caring and understanding man would quench my thirst and satisfy my desire but NO! Life daily present to us an opportunity to grow, the kind of growth that doesn't satisfy our childhood curiosity but opens us up to more questions to be answered. I finally decide to rather enjoy every bit of the journey, including SPINSTERHOOD, to build, develop and understand myself better because the total freedom that I (consciously or unconsciously) have always craved for from childhood will definitely not be granted in marriage. May be sad, May be not!!

I discover the freedom we'd always yearned for is merely for EXPRESSION- to express every of our wish and desire and respond to impulses but the worse kind of freedom is that which we create for ourselves, leading to obscured insecurity. This freedom is the freedom to sleep at will, eat at will, move at will, speak at will; putting nothing under subjection, but all at expression. I have come to realize I definitely do not need as much as I had always wanted while growing up if i truly desire success. 

The best of freedom is that which makes you choose wisely what you want out of life  and fulfilling divine plans for your life. You get a good omen for life when you make judicious use of every phase of your life. What we had formerly desire is no freedom but slavery!